Everything wrong with Indian parents

Well our parents are supposed to be our first best friends and our confidants. But thats only in bollywood. In real life, like any other humans they themselve come with a lot of expectations from us by imagining us as the perfect ward, the perfect student, the perfect guy/girl next door about whom the typical neighbour aunty only speaks good things about. Well thinking the best for us is by no way harmful but expecting and forcing us to live upto that imaginary standards just degrades our self esteem and mental health further.

Well just as said in kota factory, ‘ parents ke methods galat ho skte hai, intentions nhi’ which literally translates to their intentions are not bad they want the best for us, but the method of implementing isnt ideal. Let me tell you a bizarre way in which parents motivate us is by comparing with someone better than us( generally that sharma ji ka ladka). They think it will make us push our limits and do better. But sadly it doesnt most of the time. What it makes us believe is we are not good enough. It forces us look at our flaws and shortcomings and not focus on our qualities which depletes our selfesteem a lot. The guy/girl with whom we get compared regarding our boards result may not be a better student than us. Just that he/she might have a lucky day which we didnt during exam. It might happen he/she is strong in science but we are strong in arts subjects. But the way our parents portray it we genuinely doubt ourselves. And well our parents never cared about how good we are in extracurricular activities. Most of the time they care just about our marks and rank. Most of the time rather than reassuring us about our faliures, telling us its ok to fail no one is perfect, they just make us feel worse about our faliures with someone who was better than us in that particular exam.

Career choices-

Its no surprise that in most Indian households taking up science for further studies is considered a sign of brilliance and taking other streams( no matter how good or passionate we are in it) is deemed as a faliure. I mean forcing someone to do engineering, who is passionate about journalism jis just waste of a talent plus waste of degree. Also that person throughout his/her life will consider him/herself as a faliure for not been a good engineer and not living upto our parents expectations.

Looks-

It is not a hidden fact that in India being fair skinned, tall, slim in the defination of beauty not realising being different from the above notion is special. Our parents most of the time kill our self esteem by comparing us with someone taller, fairer, slimer. This creates a lot of mental health issues in us like eating disorders, overuse of cosmetics, anxiety, depression and in many cases suicide. Not just that many of us made to feel ashamed by the presence of birthmark on face and skin.

Easily influenced by the societal norms-

In India a guy and a girl is severly judged by how good a husband or a wife he/she will be. In case of boys we need to have high income, a govt job( about which we might not be passionate or good in) a tall height, a car, a house. For girls its fair skin, slim, soft spoken, always agreeing with elders( no matter how shitty their opinions are), good cook, good mother, not talking to any other boys apart from family members, not going out, not having fun. And if we beg to differ from this norms we are levelled as disgrace to family and everyone. In many cases we are boycotted. Our parents and relatives stop speaking to us. We are isolated with our pain and misery. No matter how talented we are we anyhow have to comply to those norms cause for them only that matters nothing else. Also raising our voice for our freedom makes us characterless to our family.

My personal experience-

Growing up just like any other Indian teen I loved to play outside in the sun and everyday right through my teen years my mom sarcastically taunted me about my tan calling me african and saying no girl would ever like me. This forced me to use all sorts of fairness and sunscreen plus a lot of anxiety regarding my looks. When I was preparing for my medical entrance, I always had to hear we did spent a lot on you, make sure you crack neet at anycost or that money will go to vain. Even after I cracked Neet, I was taunted about my rank. They never cared about my efforts they just cared about what my performance was so they can boast in front of relatives and others. I always self doubted myself, felt insecure and anxious cause of it. It took me a lot of efforts to accept myself and be happy with myself. And the worst part is we cant share any of this with our parents who are supposed to be our first best friend.