Girls- The better halves but treated worse

In today’s society, we are very quick to judge a girl on the basis of her external features, but we hardly care to know what they have been through. We seldom have been guilty of commentating stuffs like girls are emotionally unstable, attention seekers without knowing what she has been through. So I interviewed 49 girls to know their story, their achievements insecurities, struggles, suffering in today’s world.

Body insecurities- Most of the girls I have interviewed did go through some sort of insecurity and discrimination on the basis of body features( height, weight, skin colour). The main reason being categorising beauty on the basis of it. We all have been guilty of classifying fair skin, slim figure, tall girls as beautiful. But a vast majority of girls who dont fall in this bracket have been deemed ugly by us. But why? Because from an very early age we have been taught fair, slim, tall girls are beautiful and will make a good wife in future. Our these short sightedness have led to making fun of girls who are healthy, dark toned or short as ugly. Just because they dont fall under conventional beauty standards doesnt mean they dont deserve love. Throughout our lives we have been so focussed on their exteriors we ignore the main traits like her character, values and personality.

But from where does the idea of fair, slim, tall girl will make a good wife stem from? Well few months back I was reading an article on psychology of choosing sexual partners in pre historic times, where I came across a fact that a girl who had a slim figure denoted she is properly nourished to carry a baby. Proper breast size denoted she can produce healthy milk for the new born. Wide hips indicated, easy and smooth delivering of baby without any complications. Fair skin indicated that she stays indoors and can give proper time and attention to the baby. Thus men chose woman who can be a good mother on the basis of this and thus the obsession with so called pretty body traits came to limelight. I personally found it pretty absurd. Reason being even in the absense of those traits a girl can be healthy and properly give birth without any complication. And for being a good mother and a wife and most importantly a good human more than those traits, it comes down to her personality, her values, her character, her inner strength to fight and solve problems. Some people will argue that those are biological traits, for them I will state biology means evolution and its 2021. If our ideals havent evolved from pre historic times, we have failed as a society. In todays competative world what’s inside us counts for a lot more than whats outside. We didnt think for even a second before body shaming her( she might have been suffering from some metabolic disorders). We just think our appreances are in our hand. In most cases its not. If we are little more considerate and scientific in our approach, most girl wouldnt have to go through, what they are going through today. Passing stupid jokes on her apprearance and humiliting her doesnt make us cool, just shows are petty mentality.

Harrasement-

You will be surprised to know that almost, every girl has faced major or minor harrasment. The reason? Lack of sex education and porn addiction. Trust me when I say this, all 49 of them did face unwanted touching, groping, absurd sexual comments or emotional torture. Also the sad thing is most of the time it came from someone close like a friend, teacher or relative. Problem is if they complain to someone like their parents, most of the time, they lay blame on her. The common things they have to hear is, Its because of your western dress, its because of your friendliness. I mean how stupid and absurd it sounds. If it was because of western dress then infacts wont have been molested, girls in traditional attire won’t have been groped.

Emotional torture-

You know the problem is, we tend to forget they are humans too like us boys. They get angry, they make mistakes, they undergo heartbreaks. We either treat them as sex objects or as goddess and in my opinion, both are toxic. While there shouldnt be any doubt on why considering her as object is toxic, considering her as goddess makes us believe they are perfect. But just like we all humans make mistake, they too make mistakes but since we consider her as goddess, according to us if she isnt giving her 100% she doesnt care about us. Maybe she has lost interest and is seeing someone else. Thus begin a toxic relationship and emotional torture on her. If we could cut some slacks for her give her some space to be weak, I personally feel it will end 80% of toxicity and emotional torture. What they need is a little more considerate us, not a tough deal.

Who are gold diggers?

My answer we all are. I mean lets be honest we all wanna be rich. But why girls are labelled as one? Because if our stereotypical thinking that she falls for rich guys. Well a small proportion of them are gold diggers not gonna lie, a vast majority of them arent. And why wouldnt a girl choose a financially stable guy. Her parents gave her a financial good life, she herself earns a good salary so why would she decrease her quality of life by dating a financially instable guy. Even we wont do it if we are in her place. A gold digger is someone who will only date a guy for his money and will subsequently leave him for a richer guy. While I cant deny the presence of girls like them, most girls will not only consider financial status but also other characters like his values and personality. Think of it this way, if two people are together just for sexual favours its called a hookup, but they are together not just for sex but also companionship, support, friendship, its called a relationship. Similarly if a girl is with a guy for his money thats gold digging but if she is with him considering all his strengths, flaws and ofcourse good financial condition its love. Vast majority of girls are earning quite well handsomely, they dont need a guy to financially take care of them. So next time before calling her a gold digger think practically.

Pseudo feminism-

Well feminism is meant for equality amongst all genders not just girls. But few girls did take bad advantage of this and thus pseudofeminism arised. It not only affects boys but girls too. Fake molestation charges not only ruin a boy’s life, it also makes us loose faith in girls and thus a real victim has to suffer. Because of some attention seeking girls and vast majority has to suffer. Next time nobody will be willing to hear a real plight of a girl because of all the fake accusations. It just takes woman empowerment back few generations.

What does she mean when she says respect woman?

Well she means treat girls around you like you treat your mothers and other boys. Dont criticise her for things you wont criticise another guy, or neither does she mean overvalidate her with unnecesarry compliments( its creepy to be honest). Just give her what she deserves not more not less. And definately dont humiliate her( or anyone) in public. If she has made a mistake privately correct her through constructivr criticism.

Consent and will-

Sexual activity( or any activity) requires both will and consent. Will is the power of mind to do something and consent is the permission given to do it. Consent alone isnt enough. One of the girls I interviewed told me she was constantly asked by her senior in college to go on a date. She unwillingly had to because she feared saying no, afterall he is in a position of power. Though consent was present, the will wasnt. We generally miss the will and are only bothered about consent. This fact has been misutilised by people in position of power. Afterall if two of us are engaged in an activity, so equal will and consent to participate should be present too.

Lastly suggestions for boys( or society) from the girls were, make them feel comfortable. Dont take undue advantage of her friendship and trust. Think before you speak cause we dont know the vast majority of her struggles we just see the tip of it which she is comfortable showing. She body isnt a sex toy, its just like our body which is precious to us. Her emotions stems from years of judgement, harrasement, bullying by closed ones. Before calling her maniac, try to know why is she behaving in such a way. Even if you cant help her, dont make it tougher for her.